


Fighting My Battles / Sacrifice

by Nadja_Lee



Category: X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: Father-Son Relationship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Loss, Moving On, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-05-07
Updated: 2001-05-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:53:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22971313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadja_Lee/pseuds/Nadja_Lee
Summary: Nathan thinks about his father and the battle he fought and the scarifice he made.Timeline: Set after X-men 97, Scott’s mingling with Apocalypse.
Relationships: Nathan Summers & Scott Summers
Kudos: 3





	Fighting My Battles / Sacrifice

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to: Helene, Julia, Jemi, April and Jaguarita. Thanks for your kindness and friendship.  
> Dedicated to: Sorcieré with thanks for being there.  
> Thanks to Christina for the Beta.
> 
> Timeline: Set after X-men 97, Scott’s mingling with Apocalypse.

**Fighting my battles**

_“ You can’t fight for me and I won’t allow you to die for me.”_

_\- Duncan to Amanda from "Finale, Part 2", Highlander: TS_

I sit and stare at your visor. I went into yours and Jean’s room and took one of your extra pairs. I’m not sure why I took it. Why I need it. Maybe because it is the only thing left of you. We don’t have a body to bury, we don’t have anything left of you at all. Maybe it is to remind me…remind me of you, and to remind me of what you did. You gave your life for another, saved the world. Sounds noble enough though it doesn’t change that you are still as dead as if you had been run over by a bus.

This battle against Apocalypse…. it wasn’t your battle, father. It was mine. Your death should have been mine. Am I mad at you now for dying or for not letting me make this sacrifice? I’m not sure I want the answer to that question. You and I are….were a lot alike. Always in control or so we thought. Strange how your life can spin out of control so quickly. In a few seconds I lost everything. Dad, you were the only family I had left. Sure, we have had our disagreements and we often didn’t get along but that doesn’t mean I care less for you. It is actually ironical that you need to die in order for me to truly understand and forgive you for sending me to the future. Now I know that making sacrifices and fighting battles, even those that aren’t yours, are a part of you, are whom you are. I couldn’t change that and I’m not so sure I want to if I could.

My battles have always been hard and now I know that you wanted to ease those battles but you never understood that they were my battles to fight. My battles to win or lose, to live or die. That wasn’t your choice; it has never been your choice. But wasn’t that the choice you made for me then, dad? You wanted me to live, you gave up everything in order for me to live……..I wasn’t old enough to decide then but since we met again I am…….yet still you can’t let go. You wanted to protect me. You wanted to fight my battles for me and in the end die for me. Apocalypse was my enemy and this was my battle to die in. You couldn’t let me go. You didn’t want to let me go. Somehow you needed me. And now I understand. I put your visor around my neck. I understand how you felt, dad……. because now I feel the same. I can’t give you up. I won’t give you up. Somehow………I still need you.

**Sacrifice**

_“ I was in Rome once, 93 AD, the Coliseum. I saw Christians facing the lions. Some of them looked almost happy to die for their faith” – Methos to Duncan_

_“And your point is what as we walk down memory lane?” – Duncan_

_“That afterwards the only ones looking happy were the lions,” – Methos_

_“This is not about faith” – Duncan_

_“ No. It is about sacrifice,” – Methos_

_Methos and Duncan from “ Finale, part 2” of “Highlander: TS”_

Never had I thought that I should stand by your grave; the grave of Scott Summers. I know you are gone yet still I can’t believe it. This wasn’t supposed to happen. You were almost 20 years younger than me for crying out loud! To tell you the truth I’m not sure what I feel about you being gone. For a while I wanted you gone, I wished you dead and given half a chance could have been tempted to try my own luck. 

Things had just started to get better between us. Just for a while. Then this happened. I wonder if it is your death that disturbs me or the fact that you gave your life for him…and not for me. Would you have given your life for me? My mind says you would but dare I believe? Father, there are so many things we never said, so many things we never did. I have known you for such a short period of time yet still I now grieve your passing.

Something in me thinks this is utterly ridiculous; standing before an empty grave. I know your body does not lie here, I know you can’t hear my thoughts. Yet still I need to tell you this, I need to try and find some peace of mind. This wasn’t the way you wanted to go; I know that. You wanted to die in Jean’s arms but instead you lost your life and soul. A monster now lives in your body. How dare he defile what you were? How dare he destroy your memory with evil done in your body?

I take up my knife and cut a trail of blood over my hand. I close my hand and let a few drops of blood land on the fresh grave. This I swear father; I will avenge you. This time Apocalypse will die and when he does I’ll made sure that your body can rest here in peace. I look around. It is actually a nice place they gave you, almost too bad you can’t see it. It is next to where Phoenix’s grave still stands. Appropriate I think. You always wanted to be near Jean. This is the closest you can get for a while at least. She really does love you still and misses you terribly but I guess you know that.

Dad, I so wish you was here. Things seem to fall apart without you. Jean left right after your funeral and leadership of the X-men were given to Rogue and Gambit! Who in their right minds would do that?! Well, all things fair Gambit does have some skills as a leader, being head of Thieves Guild and all…but Rogue?! Storm was offered leadership but didn’t take it. Don’t know why. 

Dad, I want you to know what if there were just the tiniest chance of any part of your mind and soul still being inside your body I’ll fight with all my might to get it back but I can’t sense you. No one but Jean claims they can and now even she can’t. We….. I have truly lost you this time.

In my mind I know that your sacrifice were necessary but standing here in the cold, alone, it is difficult to remember. All I feel is anger and hate and somewhere inside I am sure that Apocalypse is laughing at me. That he wins again. And in a way he does. Did I ever say how much you mean to me, dad? That I love you? Did I ever hug you and tell you these things? Now I wish I had. If only I had known that our time was so short…If only I had known…………

Sacrifice isn’t all the glory it’s cracked up to be; mostly you just end up dead.

The End 


End file.
